Not surprisingly, many of us find this the most stressful time of the year. Whether it has religious significance for you or not, you will be caught up in people around you behaving differently, maybe because of excitement or despair, happiness or misery. Inevitably, it impacts on all of us in one way or another.

Stress happens when we feel that we no longer have the control we want in given situations, so not surprisingly many people feel stress during the days and weeks leading up to 25th December and on the day itself.

So what is stressful about it?

• Financial pressure to buy gifts that you may not be able to afford
• Pressure to spend periods of time with people beyond what is comfortable: relatives, work colleagues or friends
• Getting caught up in the frenzy and tension of shopping
• Consuming more food and drink and drugs than your body is used to
• Feeling responsible for everybody else’s “good time”

So if stress is brought about by feelings of lost control, then it makes sense that finding ways of having control will reduce stress. So what can you do in these situations?

Financial Pressure

Many people pay dearly for their generosity to their family and friends at this time of year. So whether you have worries about spending on gifts or the expense of all the parties that you have been asked to go to, plan ahead…;

• Ask yourself what can I truly and realistically afford to spend if anything
• Manage the expectations of others. If you don’t want or can’t afford to buy gifts for certain people and don’t want gifts from them, be up front and tell them. You can offer any explanation you like. Honesty is usually good but you can offer anything from financial pressure to not having time. Maybe that you have some urgent priorities to deal with or even that you have had a rethink about the whole gift giving idea and it isn’t for you anymore. What’s the worst that could happen if you take this approach? And if you are strapped for cash, what a relief not to land yourself with more debt
• Buy small personal gifts that you can afford rather than buying something large and expensive because you can’t think of anything else. People who receive gifts for the sake of being given something can find it meaningless so don’t be the donor of a wasted gift.
• Promise your time to help or to do something special for somebody rather than buy them something. For many people this will be far more appreciated. How about babysitting for your friends who have young children? Or helping with a job around the home for an afternoon? Or maybe even going around to make dinner for somebody in the new year? Or even taking them for a drive to a place that you know they like?

Pressure to be with Others

Parents and other relatives may have expectations that you will spend time with them even if you live hundreds of miles away. It may not occur to them to make the journey themselves. Colleagues may expect you to be at parties that you don’t want to be at. Friends may expect you to go to clubs and bars that you don’t like much. In these situations ask yourself

• What is it that I really want to do – irrespective of other people’s expectations, what do I want to do?
• What are your true responsibilities for the other people involved?
• Have you ever asked them to do what you want to do at this time of year?
• When was the last time you did what you wanted to do at this time of year?
• If you asked them to compromise what do you think they would say?
• If you have asked them, what did they say and do you feel that they are being reasonable and compromising?
• What else could you do to help to meet them in a winning compromise – maybe offering to spend time with them outside of the holiday time
• Again, what is the worst that could happen if you did what you wanted to do?

The Frenzy and Tension of Shopping

You may love or hate the weeks of shopping leading up to the 25th December. This weekend Oxford Street and Regent Street in central London was closed to traffic to allow shoppers to fill the breadth and length of the streets… and they did! Have you noticed how many people get hot and bothered shopping for presents and stressed about stocking up on tonnes of food because the shops are closed for a day? How about the drivers queuing to leave the shopping centres who are getting annoyed with other road users and rowing with their passengers? A friend told me today that his colleague’s partner started to shop in August. Well, if that is a move too early for you how about some later careful planning so that you can avoid being out:

• You can browse and shop on the internet from home or the internet café, without the stress of queuing and being surrounded by other stressed people and have gifts delivered straight to your or anybody else’s door
• If you really want to be out there, take a day off midweek and make an early start
• Older kids love to have cash to spend how they like so all you need is a visit to the ATM. You may even find that adults have a special project to which they would welcome a donation

 

Food and Drink and Drugs

The festive season is certainly the time of year for most over indulgence beyond what you are used to and this can be a great stressor for the body causing weight gain, lethargy, sleeplessness, dehydration, sometimes with dangerous levels of risk. Know what you are comfortable with and how far you want or are prepared to go.

 

Feeling Responsible

As a parent of young children you may feel that you are solely responsible for your children’s happiness at this time and that can be a stressful situation.

• Share the responsibilities with others: partner, family, friends, and other parents and get them to do some of the tasks on and leading up to the 25th December
• Ensure that you do things that are enjoyable for you too, maybe getting the kids to join in too, perhaps in preparing the decorations at home

If you feel responsible for other adults happiness, do you feel that they are equally responsible for yours too? If not, why not? If you do feel that way, then how do you share the responsibilities and tasks at this time? Suggest that everybody involved does  a good share of the work and preparations rather than leave it to one or two who spend all of their time on preparations.

 

Relax and Chill Out

So in the coming days and weeks, take control, make decisions, and take action to reduce the pressure on you.

Take time also to relax and chill out. Treat yourself after a stressful day of preparation. Maybe with a home movie or a hot soapy bath. Go for a massage or exchange one with your partner, friend or relative.

And have a good deal of stress free fun. Happy holidays.