Have you ever been sitting down, relaxing watching television and you see something there that makes you think to yourself I would like that, that's what I want to do. Something that is completely different to whatever you would do in normal circumstances. As soon as this feeling comes, it is followed by a funny feeling in your tummy and you say, nah. Every so often you think about the picture and still think you would like to do it ,could be living in another country, changing your job, changing your relationship. What is it that's stopping you?

There are some people who go out in the world and get what they want. There are other people who look at them in wonderment, envy or bewilderment. "How did they do that, what have they got that I haven't". So what is it they have and you haven't. Which one are you? If you are reading this article, you are the one asking the questions.

There could be a multitude of different reasons that is stopping, it could be fear of the unknown, the belief that you can't do it, lack of self esteem or maybe you feel it goes against what you think or feel, or maybe lack of confidence, to name but a few. Do you recognise any of these in yourself?

Fear

Fear is one of our most primitive and deep-rooted emotions. Its range is enormous, there always seems to be a fear, fear of success, failure, sickness, getting old, not being liked - the list is endless but you always have a choice of how to respond to fear. You can fight it or work around it. Molly Gordon in 'Getting Free From Fear' says to think of Fear as an acronym for Fantasy Expectations Appearing Real. "FEAR takes unsupported premise about impending doom, amplifies them and presents the alleged results an inevitable failure".

Only two of all the fears you have are innate: The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Most of your fears were learned in early childhood and then in later life under stressful conditions - Colin G Smith www.nlptoolbox.com.

Ask yourself what positive purpose does the fear serve you? Take a greater understanding of your fear and work to find more productive alternatives that will serve the same purpose.

A way to deal with your fear is to:

Face the fear - the second time you do something that you are 'afraid' of won't be as scary as the first. If you take the first step to do what you want to do, the second step follows and the third step quickly after that. Deal with fear through logic, what is the worst thing that can happen if you take the step? Associate with people you have seen who have already done what you fear doing. Now do what they have done. Fear is learned and must be unlearned. When you have faced your fear, you will feel great.

Explore the fear - Notice the warning signals. Notice your resistance. Notice your fear. Use fear as a friendly reminder to stop, be aware and resume control to best avoid failure or loss. Find out where the resistance comes from, is it coming from you or from others?

Accept the fear - make friends with your fear, acknowledge the fear is there and put it to one side and get on with what you want to do. What is the fear doing for you?

When we confront our fears which are so big in our minds, we usually find that they are in fact small and insignificant and easy to overcome.

Exercise (Molly Gordon www.mollygordon.com)

Make a list of all of your fears, writing as fast as you can to block the internal censor. Include EVERY fear, however small or irrational. Then read them aloud, suspending judgment. Allow yourself to feel the fear.  Notice that being afraid does not have to mean losing ground.

If it feels comfortable, share your list with a friend. Before sharing your list, explain that you simply want a witness, that you are playing with how it is to acknowledge your fears without being pulled off center by them. Be clear that you are not asking for help and that you do not need advice. You do not need to be fixed. Ask your friend to simply listen, and to acknowledge you for being conscious of your fears.

'Come to the edge,' He said. They said, 'We are afraid.' 'Come to the edge,' He said. They came. He pushed them… and they flew. Guillaume Apollinaire [1374]

 

Limiting Beliefs

Anthony Robbins maintains that "the most important opinion a person will ever hold is the one that they hold about themselves".

By the time you are 7 you have all the beliefs about yourself.

Your beliefs come from other people, i.e parents, teachers, peer group, friends and family.  In fact from anyone who exerts any influence over you.

The first thing to recognise is that the limiting belief is in your own head.  Ask yourself what it is that you really want, what would having this really do for you, what would having this mean for you?

Your beliefs about yourself can undermine the things you say you believe you can achieve. These “undermining beliefs” need to change before you can achieve the goals you believe you can achieve.

But how can they be changed? There’s a small bundle of nerves in the human brain that controls behaviour. It’s called the reticular activating system. It allows your brain to take action on the things that you consciously or subconsciously believe are important. It filters out the stuff that doesn’t matter. If you can affect this part of your brain by focusing on the particular thing you want to change and believe that it’s important that it change, you can change your behaviour.

If you’ve made goals and failed to achieve them, examine whether you have an “undermining belief” that’s become an obstacle to reaching your goals. Look for things that you often say to yourself after experiencing a failure at not reaching your goals. These are the “undermining beliefs” that you must change in order to experience success. Eunice Coughlin www.healthy-living-for-moms.com

In May 1954, Roger Bannister ran a mile in 3 minutes 59.4 seconds.  Hundreds of runners had tried, unsuccessfully, before him to run a mile in less than 4 minutes. The scientific and medical world had claimed that it could not be done.  It was said that the human heart, muscles and bone would not be able to withstand the stress of such an effort.  But it happened and many other athletes have since run the mile in under 4 minutes.

What was the turning point? What was the deciding factor?  How  did Bannister achieve the impossible?  He made a conscious effort to ignore the accepted belief and carefully prepared himself mentally to do it that day.  He was aware of the power of a positive mental attitude and the dangers of falling prey to doubt or procrastination. Once he had demonstrated that it was indeed possible, others began to believe, so that they matched or exceeded his performance (The Coaching Academy).

Exercise: (The Coaching Academy)

Complete 6 sentences that begin with the words “I must”

Do not think too deeply about the sentence completion. Complete the 6 sentences with the first ideas that come to mind, as those are the thoughts that are prevalent.

Then, ask yourself “What would happen if I didn’t”

You will be able to examine the consequences of various actions as you become increasingly aware of the automatic responses that you give.

The next sentence completion will help you look at how your belief will have a bearing on what you think you cannot do.  Complete 6 sentences beginning with the words “I can’t…”  Again say the first thing that comes into your mind.

Then ask yourself the questions: “What stops me”?

Argue for your limitation and sure enough they're yours – Richard Bach

Affirmations

Affirmations are phrases that you say to yourself to build your self esteem and change your way of thinking. If you continually say you can't, you will find the evidence to support this. Affirmations work in the same way, so change your message to something positive and you will improve and find the evidence to prove it that you can. Keep repeating the affirmation.

Make a list of all the things that you are thinking negatively, for instance, “I can’t do ………” and change it to “I can………/will………” repeat this at least 20 times or write it down (like doing lines when you were at school).  Say it powerfully with strength, certainty and conviction.  Set yourself a time period, say a week and see whether you feel any different.  Remember that you have been saying the negative things for much longer, so it can take some time to make the shift.

Changing the way you think about yourself and the world really does change your mind.

Visualise

Use this NLP technique to ensure your success.

Find a quiet space where you can visualize what it is you want. Mark a space on the floor to represent 'now'. From this space walk to a point on the floor, a particular distance away to represent the time you think it will take you to achieve you what you want. Stand on this point and look back to 'now'. Spend some time feeling what it's like to have achieved all that it is you want.

Next, walk a little further into the future and turn around.  Look back to ‘now’ again and visualise what you did to achieve what it was that you wanted.  Make sure when you talk to yourself  you use  past tense.  Once your mind has grasped the idea that you have already succeeded, visualising what you did as opposed to what you have to do is much more creative, insightful and far less stressful process.  It’s very powerful and great fun too.

Conclusion

Ask yourself what you really want and then ask yourself these questions

• What will happen if you don't get it
• What will you not have if you don't get it
• What will you have if you get it
• What will you not have if you get it

There is nothing to stop you getting what you want, if you really want it, nothing at all.